Hoping SOMEONE wouldn't see this - as in seriously.

Love, Clarence Liu

"Why do you always talk to me? Don't you ever talk to other people?"

It felt as though the cold, flat and rectangular box in my palm had just screamed right in my face. My eyes gave my emotions away. I teared. The irritation and anger from Regina's orotund voice seemed to ring in my head there and then. I wiped away the tear that had rolled down my cheek and shut my eyes, hoping to drive away all thoughts and, more importantly, to stop myself from crying.

Regina has a girl-next-door look, long silky hair that ran down by the length of her shoulders with a slight curl at the ends. She had all the key features of my dream girl, not forgetting that light sweet smile that never failed to linger on my mind for hours. I would smile to myself, looking silly, just at the thought of it. The fondness that I had developed for this ordinary girl was inexplicable, if not ineffable.

"The fondness that I had developed for this ordinary girl was inexplicable, if not ineffable."

By Chance or by Fate, I was paired up with her at the outdoor camp organised by Adam Khoo Corporations. I was extremely elated; however, I kept my thoughts and happiness to my self, afraid to show them. Both of us were leaders in our individual Co-Curricular Activity (CCA), and the honour, which was bestowed upon me to participate in the camp, was unexpected. By the end of the camp, I got to know her better - her likes and dislikes, and some of her habits and routines. More importantly, we exchanged phone numbers. I had came to realise that she was a very outgoing girl; fun-loving and outspoken. As time passed, I soon realise that my fondness had developed into adoration - affection, even.

"As time passed, I soon realise that my fondness had developed into adoration - affection, even."

Ever since the camp, I would make it part of my daily routine to chat with her every night after dinner over the phone or the Internet, on the web messenger. Every now and then, her failure to reply to a message would drive me nuts; having to figure out her thoughts when there was silence was never a pleasant experience.

Mustering my courage, I convinced myself that it was time I confessed my affection, if not love, for her. I will always remember that very day - 5th October - when I messaged her over the phone, requesting to meet up with her for a chat - at least that was what I typed in my message to her. I did not want to scare her off before I even had the chance to confess.

"I love her and that is the beginning of everything." - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I met up with her at our favourite fast food restaurant, MacDonald's, and took a seat facing right in front of where she sat. My heart beat seemed to be racing for its life as nothing I could do would slow it down; I breathed in deeply and heavily, murmured to myself to keep cool. I was starting to perspire heavily; all these were signs of adrenaline coursing through my blood. Fight or flight - now which would I choose?

"Is everything alright, Rex?" She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. How beautiful; I thought to myself. Rummaging through her handbag that sat in silence on her lap, she handed me a piece of tissue.

"Thanks," I wiped away the perspiration from my forehead and temples. I calmed my mind, felt my feet still standing on flat ground. Flight!

I just could not do it. I ran off with my head low, murmuring my apologies as I stood up from my seat, in hope that she heard me, and ran right out of sight, not turning back my head for a glance. Damn. She must be feeling bewildered by my sudden departure, leaving the scene in imbroglio.

I lifted my legs off the cold flat surface and took off. The library; the first place that came to my mind. Of all places in the mall I ended up here, in the library, I wondered why.

I hid in a corner behind a row of shelves and dug out my phone from the right pocket in my jeans. I pressed on the buttons swiftly, constructing and explaining myself to her. Before I sent out the message, I took a glance at words displayed on the screen, to ensure that I had typed something intelligible; and added "I love you, really."

Regina did not reply to that message, nor did she reply to any others that I sent the few days after. Is she mad at me? Is she furious? What am I going to do? How? Why did I not tell her in the face? Or perhaps, perhaps I should not even had told her that I loved her? What do I do now?

In school, she avoided every corridor that she learnt that I frequently use over the 2 years of "friendship". I felt as if life had just been sucked out of me, my angel - no, Goddess of Love, Lady Luck, that I worshipped - had just been taken away, away from me.

"I felt as if life had just been sucked out of me, my angel - no, Goddess of Love, Lady Luck, that I worshipped - had just been taken away, away from me."

Perhaps she had heard the news of my 'new' life - lifeless that is - from the quidnunc in school; she finally replied to my message.

"Rex, I'm sorry. You have yet to find the key to my heart. I do not wish to start a relationship this year and I do not return your feelings. Forget me, for the better."

"Take away love, and our Earth is a tomb." - Robert Browning.

Days after the incident, I still refused to give up; call it obsession, call it dignity, maybe it was just my stubbornness, I refused to budge. Every now and then when the darkness falls, late in the night, to pen down my thoughts and feelings I would take out my dairy - a diary dedicated to her and her alone - in which I would compose the poems. Poems, poems that perhaps only I, myself, would truly understand and feel for. Though I am verdant, though I am neither writer nor poet, I would still pen them all down.

"Days after the incident, I still refused to give up; call it obsession, call it dignity, maybe it was just my stubborness, I refused to budge."

In discretion, I sent a poem that I wrote in memory of that cursed day; titled 05.10.06, to her. Even more, every night, I would still stick to my daily routine before that incident; messaging her over the phone, in the hope that her name would one day show up display screen once more, even for just once, I would have been satisfied; or so I thought.

"I love thee with so much of my heart that none is left to protest." - Mach Ado about Nothing, Act IV, Scene I.

Then came that "fruitful" night. Regina's name appeared on my phone.

"Why do you always talk to me? Don't you ever talk to other people?" A thousand knives seemed to pierce through every inch of my heart, I was numbed from tip to toe and her voice just kept on ringing in my mind. Scenes of all those times spent with her flashed before my eyes like a rewinding cassette that just seemed to play backwards for eternity. I felt numb, numb of feelings and emotions. Perhaps, it was truly for the better.

What is Love, to cause such misery to those who fail to achieve it? Love.

"What is Love, to cause such misery to those who fail to achieve it. Love."

Comments are very much welcomed. Even better if you could spot some grammar mistakes any where, however, please be kind on your words.